Between My Lips

New Love

2009-02-11T13:16:00.000-08:00

This being in love thing is something I'm not used to.
I haven't worked out all the kinks yet because our relationship is new.
At times I get frustrated, not really sure of what it is that I should do.
I'm aware that you are an addition to my life, and already my heart belongs to you.

So when I make you angry or you are confused as to why I behave in the way I do.
Communicate to me your concerns, so we can work through anything that we need to.
For you are special to be in more ways than I can express.
We shared our friendship first, so I have no secrets to confess.

At times I question why you would even want me to be a part of your existence.
We are different in so many ways, so I never thought anything other than a friendship would make sense.
Now I realize that a relationship is something that should never be predicted.
I think about our past, I didn't see this coming. I wonder if there was a sign and I missed it?

I'm happy. The smile that I show you is identical to the one that's displayed on my face every time I hear your voice.
Throughout my entire day, I'm unable to get you out of my head, and even if I could I wouldn't make that choice.
Sometimes I make you stay on the phone, content with just hearing you breathe.
Anticipating you calling me baby, and end of conversation you telling me that you love me.

Although I tell you I miss you at least three to four times a day, in my heart I don't feel that I'm telling you enough.
And when we're having a confrontation the reason why I try to give you space is because I don't want you to leave me because things get rough.

It's kind of corny and I know you're not one of those romantic love heroes that I read about.
But when I read those love books, and the damsel in distress talks about how she feels about her prince charming, I finally know what she's talking about.

The love I feel for you pumps through my entire body and the shine I've worn for the last couple of months I wear because of you.
I'm hoping that what we share is something special. Because truly I know I'm falling in love with you.

Obama

2008-10-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

Eyes are wide with amazement, a black man walks through the door dressed in suit and tie
Black women cry, white man nod in approval, the acknowledgement of 11% ahead, some sigh
The vote, the importance of practicing this right granted after segregation
The media covers the importance of taking part in choosing who will run our nation

Democrats vote for the their new trophy, the new symbol for change, the right of passage, finally equal opportunity exists
But how long will he survive, is the United States of America really ready for a non Caucasian president?
The risk, assassination to a completely different level, haters lurk the streets and the airways
After 9-11, all scared of Saddam Hussein, worried about bombs on planes, will the next terrorist attack happen today?

November 4th, submit my ballot, aware of new voting laws, no Obama paraphernalia at the polls, my vote does count
And as bad as I want to say that I want my president to be Mr. Barack, my prayers reach further to say please sir watch out
The polls, identical to election of 2004 when so many African American votes thrown out the door
Baby Bush, a conspiracy, no dirt, It's all in who you know, the republican campaign fight for war

Is it worth it? Run a nation, alert to all surroundings constantly looking behind your back
Held a dream all your life, that you were going to be the first US black president, so close to becoming fact
New hero for all minorities that feel like they don't belong, the impossible made possible, a new reality
A new standard, set for citizens of America, a black man running this country finally

Thinking

2008-10-15T12:54:00.001-07:00

Couped up in the corner, feeling revengeful in the containment of my own bars
Choosing to stay alone, in the absence of my surroundings, shielding my audience from all the scars
In reality the demonstration of my day to day agenda may be camuflaged from my dreams that do exist
Without loosing hope I indulage myself in what many consider personal nonsence

To make a mockery of my current situation adds value to my existance
Minimizing illusions of unrelated circumstances only brings truth to what is realistic
Maturity arrises, self assurance reaches a new level as time pasts and new centuries arrive
With no responsibility of inner circle souls, I seek no one but shield thy own cries

Few will ever understand why I devour challenges thrown my way
Leaning on no one, standing independent, solo and sturdy every day
To magnify little obstacles as a life changing metemorphsis makes an ordinary event an unimaginable experience
Daydreaming of the unheard and unnoticed, collaborating by myself
to make the blind see a physical appearence

Anything is possible and day to day I find new evidence for the knowledge that I do withhold
Guilty of encapsulation of mental stimulation that I choose to forever remain unknown
Few seek or rather appreciate the brilliance of one's mind
My thoughts, my mental translation a detective will never find

Surprise

2008-10-14T10:00:00.001-07:00

Probaly the best birthday present I've received in a long time
Introduced to my sister I never knew I had, but now after 23 years she's all mine
My father a baby factory specializing in the production of girls
Yet the bastard managed to escape from all of our worlds

So now we're older and plenty of time has gone by
No need to dwell on the past, we will make up for lost time
The relationship we share now never existed before
I will work hard to maintain this friendship because I want so much more

I want us to be close, I believe she is the best friend I never met.
Now that she's in my life she is a fixture I won't ever forget
I'm grateful to get to know her, and am excited about what the future will bring
I look forward to meeting her, chilling, hanging out and everything

We have the same father, different mothers yet we still are a lot alike in a lot of ways
Which is crazy, five states away yet so many similarities
A quarter pounder, chinky eyes, wanting to succeed.
My sister finding me makes me feel so much more complete.

Mommy

2008-09-18T13:48:00.000-07:00

Though time goes by and it may seem that I do not appreciate everything that you do.
Please realize that this is not the case, most of the time the only person I can depend on is you.
So yes my tattoos may make you wonder, what kind of daughter did you raise?
And yes the 12 years of private school will benefit my future days.

And in the end I have you to thank, for making me who I am today.
While you are disappointed in my actions, all I can do is pray.
That eventually one day you will be able to understand that I can only live to be me.
I have to be independent and experience my life even though you don't agree.

I listen to everything you tell me, though I may not practice everything that you preach.
Doesn't mean stop telling me what I don't want to hear, I need you here to teach.
I know I'm hard headed, I know I'm ungrateful, I know I only think of myself.
I also know how to ignore what you're saying and pretend you're talking to somebody else.

Now that I'm older, even as an adult I'm still sensitive to your view.
But you also taught me to be strong, so the strength I have, I got it from you.
Being unique and independent, is also something else you taught me to be.
So even at times when I piss you off, I know one day you'll be proud of me.

Pray

2008-09-16T13:10:00.000-07:00

'I ain't no girl', my little soldier feels that he got to prove himself.
At only three years old my son is already a mess.
I love my baby boy from the bottom of my heart.
As he gets older more often than ever I got to tear his little ass apart.

Thinking he grown, he done stepped to me at least twice.
Being a black woman, of course he paid the price.
Sometimes he forgets how far it is that he can go.
I remind him with the quickness, yes you already know.

At a tender age of three my son surprises me everyday.
My saddest moment is when my son has to go away.
The separation for two weeks is a break but a misery in one.
Because it just doesn't feel normal when I don't have my son.

When I look at him I can only smile, that's my little man.
I will forever be his hero, and together we will stand.
With God in our lives, there will always be a way.
Which is why I teach my son, to pray each and every day.

Settle

2008-09-16T13:05:00.000-07:00

This single mom shit, working my ass off every single day.
Has been so exhausting and I need your help in a physical way.
I talk a lot about not needing you, and in fact you can be replaced.
But in reality, this is your son, so indeed this is your space.

I work hard, to do what I can, to provide your son with the best.
What I would do to go back in time, I wouldn't be alone handling this mess.
I'm not saying that I wouldn't have given birth to the most precious gift to me.
What I'm saying is that we would be together, currently I would be on your team.

To think that you've moved on, and now taking care of a family not of your own.
It's hard for me to understand, so I know its even harder for a three year old.
I've made the bed I lay in each and every night.
That's why I don't bitch or complain, you already know that this shit aint right.

And when time goes by, and he gets older, my son will know who loves him the best.
Not to say that you don't love him, but as a child you settled for less.
When you were with me, you were my man that took care of his responsibilities.
Now you let a woman take care of your lazy ass, its only the beginning of your miseries.

Reverse

2008-09-16T12:09:00.000-07:00

So you miss me and you are ready to do what it takes to get me back.
You are ready to act right, tired of the below the waist attacks.
You can't live life knowing that I no longer want to be your friend.
And you feel kind of lousy knowing that you are the reason for our end.

So time has gone by though I'm not sure if you have learned your lesson.
In fact I'm not sure if your presence is my curse or my blessing.
I think hard with my brain, scared my heart will lead me in the wrong direction.
Learning to be patient waiting for happiness, not settling for temporary satisfaction.

Although so badly I want to be held again in your arms each and every night.
I have to be strong knowing that pretty soon we'll only fuss and fight.
Everything always seems so good at the beginning but in reality we will never go back to what we used to be.
Which is why I have to continue to run, I can't let the infatuation grab a hold of me.

You are very important to me. And though you don't believe me, my love will always remain.
I think about you constantly, and I only fall back because I'm driving myself insane.
You spoiled me with the possibility and a model of who it is that you can really be.
And when I see that person again, that's when I'll know you are ready for me.

Ahh

2008-09-12T12:54:00.001-07:00

No longer needing a roadmap you know exactly where to go
I love it when you move fast, but I don't know if I love it better when you go slow.
Squeezing my thighs I open up my flood gates.
You go deeper in my tunnel when my body shakes.

Caressing your head, devouring your face.
Dipping and diving until you find my special place.
You've arrived to the place we met before.
You got to open wide, I'm about to pour.

I love to feel your tongue all over my body.
With my eyes tight I imagine you inside me.
Take me to heaven, unlock my gates.
I offer to you my vaginal buffet come on and taste.

It's only natural to feel this high.
Keep going no matter how loud I cry.
This pain is pleasure, I'll keep it tight.
If feels so good and it feels so right.

Angry

2008-09-12T08:23:00.001-07:00

Even though I know that I should have completely shut you out of my life.
There's a part of me that wants your friendship and for things to be allright.
It hurts inside to know that you are not the person that I grew to love.
But I know there's a reason you're in my life understood by the man above.

I get angry thinking about the perception of you in my fantasy that never came true.
I get even angrier thinking that my everything at one time turned out to be you.
But over time I learn to ignore and take steps farther away.
And when my heart has healed, I'll confront you once again someday.

For now let our bygones be bygones, and let this space between us remain.
There's no need to contact me. You've won. I'm done playing your childish games.
And over time when you think about me, and want to express the love that you still hold.
Keep it to yourself and meditate about who I used to be, and she is who you should have told.

Now that you've used every drip of my patience, and have taken advange of everything I chose to give.
I've moved on with my life, seperated what I want; from what I need, and have begun again to live.
You are an experience that has forced me to recognize the real from the untrue.
I'm no longer angry, because atleast I've become stronger all because of you.

Journey

2008-09-04T13:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I question why God would let certain things happen to me.
I don't understand I pray every night for the conclusion of my struggle down on my knees.
I'm only one person, I have no help, he watches me day to day.
I've learned my lessons, I've created new goals, Please God deliver me I pray.

When times get tough I remember that you have control over everything that I do.
I also know that until I put all my doubts in your hands I'm not completely trusting you.
For you will not give me anything I can't handle, I truly do believe.
But why do things get tougher, why do I have to struggle even when I know you love me?

I've made mistakes day to day, the mistakes that you have already forgiven me for.
I tell you I'm sorry I apologize for my actions, yet you continue to put me through so much more.
If only I could be rescued, Where in the world is my guardian angel hiding?
I need her beside me, I need her protection. I'm telling the truth, I'm not lying.

I don't think I've done something that is so bad I must suffer for my actions.
All I can do is fall back, hand you all my burdens so that I can relax.
Let you carry them heavy on your back, not trying to figure out why you do what you do.
In the back of mind I'm aware that there is a reason why I'm walking in these shoes.

Twa

2008-08-27T12:37:00.001-07:00

I'm not shy but I really don't want to share.
I don't find any excitement in a chick pulling my hair.
I look forward to being hit by behind by a manly thrusting.
Not curious to differentiate between a male or female tonguing.

I myself feel like I'm so much of a fulfillment I don't need anyone to go behind me to finish my work.
When I put it on my man, I conquer what's mine, he has no reason to wander under any new woman's skirt.
When he says my name he says it loud and clear, pronouncing each and every syllable down to the s.
I know I do a good job because when I'm done, he falls a sleep in my wetness.

And the next morning when I should be in the kitchen cooking eggs and bacon.
My man is in the kitchen thinking of the 3 meals he will prepare to thank me.
I get a gold star for effort and a gold metal for expertise.
How does it feel to wake up every morning by a man down on his knees?

I could never imagine a woman taking his place.
I could never imagine waking up to a woman's face.
I like a manly man with manly arms, holding me all night in a manly way.
I will never share a man with any woman, except maybe one time, before my wedding day.

Relax

2008-08-27T11:16:00.001-07:00

When you slide it in my temperature hits at least 100 degrees.
Is it because I still love or have I been anticipating this for too long in my dreams?
Your chocolate swirl deep in my peppermint patty.
The thick sweet icing oozing out of my laughy-taffy.

Damn, I've been waiting, it's been so long but it feels so fucking good.
My legs are spread, my walls are open stretching to swallow your wood.
Home sweet home, as always I put that smile on Daddy's face.
Like habit my tongue no longer needs directions to find your special place.

Bodies twined into one, my legs made into pretzels and semi-circles.
Trying new positions, makes me horny, also wearing lingerie especially purple.
Talking dirty also makes me freaky, I know I'm a nymph at heart.
That's why I feel like I'm going through withdrawal when I keep your dick and my pussy apart.

No I'm no longer your bust it baby, this is completely on my terms.
In fact you can shut the fuck up while we fucking,
I know longer want to hear your words.
You telling me you still love me, why even waste your fucking time.
Close your eyes and squeeze me, let the milky-ness below my waste relax your mind.

Truth

2008-08-27T10:45:00.001-07:00

You are the new first lady of his kingdom, tat of his name displayed on your back.
You are one of many with the identical permanent label above your crack.
So I'm guessing you did this to prove to him that you want to be the leading lady of his life.
In some stupid twisted way you display, he should choose you to be his wife.

Well what you tell me is true, I am the woman of his past.
But everyone knows, every baby daddy when it comes to his baby mama, thinks he can get a piece of ass.
So when you spend so much time trying to figure out what's going on, and whether love still exists.
Know that every time you piss him off, I am she he will always miss.

Realize that I'm not with him by choice, and if I wanted him he would be mine.
Use your brain ma, you yourself knows he constantly lies.
I remember when I was in your shoes, when I used to create excuses for the things that he do.
How I tried to convince myself to follow my heart, and ignore my brain, I know how it feels to be you.

I will always be the mother of his first and only child, so always remember that.
To be real, I'm not going anywhere, I'm a permanent fixture for a matter of fact.
Physically he is in my memory, but the emotions have been gone for a long time.
You can try to create as much drama as you can,
but MY baby daddy is all mine.

O

2008-08-25T09:06:00.000-07:00

My legs high, a 90 degree angle
With my Back arched, I can grab my ankles
The pounding of your balls on the crack of my ass
While our body's smash, I can hear the splash

Slippery and tight, I work hard in overtime
Holding my lips tight, I love this grind
Fast and slow keeping our bodies in rotation
Tongue in ear, Concentration

Lay back flat, I'll slide on top
Lick you down to your tootsie roll pop
Turnover slowly, crack in face
Hold me tight while my body shake

Orgasms ripple through my body
My clit tender, I kiss you softly
Loving the attention you harden for more
Lick my bell, I'll open the door

Nasty Nice

2008-08-24T12:43:00.000-07:00

Love is supposed to be so beautiful yet in the end I end up in pain
My heart knows why I'm in love but my brain is done playing games
I can put the words on paper exactly what goes through my head
All I know is that love really hurts, count the tears I've already shed

So the decision I make to move on is concrete, but the notion of being strong lingers
All I can think about is how good it felt to be touched by his big masculine fingers
The thin line between love and hate, the thin desire to still want him around
Even though I know when I take him serious, I'm standing on shaky grounds

To leave him alone, with no turning back its easier said than done
I already know just calling his phone gives him the satisfaction that he won
To give that idiot any form of condolences is the last thing that I want to do
All the pain that he's caused, all the bullshit he's put me through

I can't elaborate on what the future holds, but my wall is stacked to the rim
These bricks are securely placed preventing me from committing new sins
I myself am aware that although I want to physically harm him, karma will come his way
And though I want to hurt him tomorrow, the revenge may come today

Ass

2008-08-20T13:44:00.000-07:00

Call me stingy but I'm reserving my pussy moving forward.
I know it won't be easy, I'll be putting myself through torture.
I love sex to death, but no longer will I base a friendship on how many times you make me cum.
Nor will I spend so much time thinking about the next time you gone give me some.

If I'm woman enough to solo take care of the lives of me and my son.
Than I should be strong enough of a woman to make it through the spell of a dry run.
Choosing to eliminate the burden of a hard dick.
Only now will I enjoy the satisfaction of a good lick.

It's hard to decipher a man's mentality from the actions that are shown.
But pussy is on a man's mind whether he's 22 or 40 years old.
I'm just so damn tired of hearing the same old bullshit.
We both adults be real is it that you just want to hit.

Why play games? Be honest. Sex is only an action verb, even though it sounds so sweet.
But moving forward I'll hide my sweet tooth, I'm now allergic to that treat.
No more booty calls. I will enjoy a full night of rest.
So if all you want is some ass, you can move on and settle for less.

Swap

2008-08-18T14:00:00.000-07:00

"Mommy I already did one more week?" My baby is ready to come home.
It's hard for him to understand because he's only 3 years old.
Mommy and Daddy aren't together, so instead of one house you have two.
But from the voice of my child I hear "Mommy I want to be with you."

In takes everything in me not to drop everything I'm doing, drive all the way to Jersey to pick up my baby.
I know I can't do that, because if I do, shit between me and the baby daddy will definitely get crazy.
Those days are over, I try to keep it chill even though I can't go a whole week with out wanting to slap his ass for real.
So until the time is right, I call continuously to make sure he's alright, even in his voice I can tell how he feels.

I tell him Mommy misses you I love you so much. He tells me that he misses me too.
It hurts so much in the pit of my gut for him to say Mommy I want to be with you.
It's unfair at age 3 he has to be passed back and forth between NJ and V-A.
Everyone tells me that he'll adjust soon, but I don't think he'll ever see that day.

Eventually he'll be older and to him I know through his eyes this is unfair.
I wish that he didn't have to experience the separation, but in reality it'll always be there.
So all I can do is wait till my week finally arrives.
Where I can hold my baby again and no longer listen to his cries.

Eventually

2008-08-18T13:25:00.000-07:00

Three and a half years ago I gave birth to the one precious being that means the world to me.
Everything I do, everything I work hard for, its for him, and I know one day he'll see.
When things get hard I remind myself to work even harder and in the end I'll appreciate what I've worked so hard for.
But still even with this thought it mind, its still hurts to work hard and only slowly do I see a little bit more.

So I fall back, exhale and think about everything that I need to do.
Think about the reasons that I make the decisions that I do, and why in my head I have so much to prove.
Although the livelihood of my little one has been the single priority of my life since he's been born
And although I try so hard I know deep down in my heart I'm ungrateful, because I strive for so much more.

I mean I'm grateful that he's here and he's made the mark that he has on my heart.
But there are so many nights I cry feeling like my brain has been torn apart.
Thinking about paying my bills, taking care of my seed solo, $600 a month for private school care.
While I'm out here taking care of myself, got a real job not depending on anyone nor the government, but because I'm not a college graduate you stare.

She messed up her life, made a big mistake she had so much to look forward to.
I've heard this in my ears for the last 3 in a half years and I realized that I still have so much to do.
Yeah it might be harder, but my son has made me even stronger, so every doubt that I've ever had in my mind.
Goes away immediately because I know regardless of what I've been told repeatedly, everything that I said I was going to do will eventually be done in time.

Drip

2008-08-12T13:52:00.000-07:00

My tears keep falling...my heart hurts, I can't even feel my head
We had a conversation about our deaths, but this early is not what you said
In a casket, coogi'd down complete with a fitted and white tee
My nigga you supposed to be here but you already left me
We had plans for the future all the shit you planned to do
How am I supposed to continue to do all that shit without you
And yo I told you stop drinking that shit wasn't good for your body
But being so damn stubborn you wouldn't listen to anybody
We all got to die someway is what you said to me
But I never thought it would be you dying all of suddenly
Well thank you so much for being a part of my life the time that you were here
And even though you've passed away in my heart I will keep you near
The meanest nigga I've ever known, the most go hard nigga I ever knew
I ain't ever tell you but you was my friend, my nigga, and I really do love you
And if and when you needed me I would have held you down in everyway
And that's why I've been hurting all fucking day

R.I.P D00g

2008-08-12T13:35:00.000-07:00

I always said you were the meanest man that I ever met today
What I would do to turn back the hands of time for you to pick up the phone this day
I know you were mad and I'm sorry for everything that I did
Didn't return your call that day and now your life as come to an end

All I can think about is that you are no longer on this Earth
27 years old, young couldn't even experience your first-born's birth
Wake up early just to talk, my keep me up voice on my way home
But now I no longer have you and right now I feel so alone

I can't believe you're gone and at this moment I don't know want to do
Didn't even get the opportunity to express my love to you
So physically you not here, but in my heart you will be forever
And I know you can still be my ear to talk to me about whatever

I take so much for granted and I realize this at this very moment
I've learned my lesson believe me starting now I will show it
Everything happens for a reason and right now even though I feel like shit
I know you are ok in heaven but I feel like an ungrateful bitch

Hoe

2008-08-04T14:04:00.001-07:00

A damn shame a grown ass man yet u truly aint shit
And now all your hoes know that you was only in it to hit
So now the hard part is over and now its your turn to pay
Eventually you will realize what I did, you might not understand today

But I'm not over how disgusting and triffling you turned out to be
How can you have sex with your cousin, yo thats really nasty
I'm parading you around like you the shit but in reality you were only a dog
And you in my face honestly feeling like you didn't do anything wrong

Are you sick? Do you have an illness tell me whats the case.
How do you look me in my eyes and lie to face?
It's crazy but you do it..and you did it for months.
I don't believe you did it only because I messed up.

A hicky does not compare to what it is that you did.
But believe me when all of this is over I am going to win.
Your friends are right you are messing with a different type of breed.
Now you will see the viscious bitch that I can be.

Ache

2008-08-04T13:54:00.000-07:00

She's not your girl but that's your boo.
You changed your number and gave it to your crew.
I'm busting my ass trying to figure out what's going on.
Not knowing if you're locked up, my heart's already torn.

I really shouldn't care if you was serving some time.
But when I say that aloud, I know I'm lying.
Like I've told you we've had a bumpy ride.
I can remember several nights I went to bed and cried.

I thought you were kind of crazy because of the things you used to do.
Not knowing that men do things when they are in love with you.
I know you care about me and you check on me through other people.
What you do not know is the love I had for you has gotten even deeper.

I can't express to you how deeply I truly feel.
In some ways I want to work it out but I already know the deal.
To tell you that you will never have me all to yourself was true.
But its only because of the constant heartache that I still have for you.

Bx

2008-08-04T13:46:00.000-07:00

It's crazy because it's been a minute since I'd last seen your face
But even now I can remember everything even your scent and the way you taste
I hate to say it but over time I realize what you said was true
That even after our relationship there is new bullshit I must go through

In all honesty I can't even describe how much misery and pain you brought into my life
But even after all you've done I still think how things would have been as your wife
We talked about it a lot and I wanted so badly to officially be yours
But it was so hard for me to except that you had a 4 year old, 3 and 2 year old and a baby 2 months old

You lied to me at the beginning and I still stuck by you everyday
And even though I knew It was crazy I loved you in every type of way
The love we share I know is one of a kind
You have admitted to be my soul mate, and its stuck in my mind

In reality we will probaly never be together ever again
But I feel good knowing that the love you have for me will never end
You told me that you get week in my presence and I feel the same exact way
Which is why since I've seen you I've thought about you every fucking day.

Ant

2008-06-19T13:01:00.000-07:00

Sitting on the couch, chilling watching a little TV
Played a little scrabble, had to be at work by 3
Tight tummy full sealed with some tree
Never gave a second thought or glance in reference to me

Months go by randomly I hit this man up
For no particular reason just to say what's up
Immediately conversation starts flowing
And even though I can't see him I can tell by his voice that's he's glowing

Incredible conversation sparks interest and curiosity
Numerous similarities, both majoring in psychology
Identical zodiac, what's the chances of that?
Him messing with a younger woman, about as slim as that

Up till midnight talking on the phone
Young in age, but in every shape and form I'm grown
A competitive individual that seeks happiness
A full package with intention to never settle for less

A good head on my shoulders though I never follow the rules
I seek to make myself better taking advantage of all my tools
Wanting now to get to know your entire story
Hoping I will be introduced to excellence in every category

J

2008-06-13T09:01:00.000-07:00

It's been a minute since I picked up my pen
Been distracted, but that has come to an end
Again I've made the mistake, I said I would never make again
I can't help that I've had the pleaseure to meet dumbass number 10

Of course at the begining shit seems all good
The man acts right and does all the things he should
But than eventually the truth comes out
Eventually you find out what the dude is really about

I wish I would have peeped the game at the beggining, that would have been nice
Known that all the good things he did for me all eventually came with a price
Seems to be a good catch, cute, no kids, legit job, own car
But even with these good qualities we still didn't get very far

The first girl in 6 years introduced to his mother
Now I know he's a liar, so was that a lie too, I wonder?
He said his roomate was Mike Vick in college at V-Tech
Probaly lied about that too, what the heck?

I just don't have time to even figure out what it is that you have to contribute
Even your niggas told me that the last few bitches you juiced them for loot
6 months and truly a waste of my time
Our entire relationship resides on a lie

The one thing you told me the truth about was that you weren't ready to be in a relationship
But I'm feeling some type of way, at this point I can't figure out if I even want a friendship
No hard feelings, I wish you the best
One mistake I won't ever make is settling for less

AshCakes

2008-04-16T07:04:00.000-07:00

I'm your babymom the mother of your babygirl
Established a sturdy position in the center of your world
Doing what I can to play the role you want me to play
But lately I'm confused b/c that role changes day to day

How am I supposed to know what exactly it is you want me to do
If when I tell you what it is you maintain your attitude
Shit for me is hard, and I know at times for you its bad
But the fact that you take things out on me makes me very mad

What am I to do to get you to understand?
Not only are you my friend but I love you as my man
The first time in forever I'm questioning our relationship
And in all actuality I'm questioning my commitment

Finding an out, content with conversation
Clicking with another dude has captured me with amazement
I love you in everyway as I have always done before
But in my heart I know that I deserve so much more

Fight

2008-04-16T06:16:00.000-07:00

Lonely at times, searching for a way out
Time to stay strong, no time to pout
But than so mad want to stand up and shout
Knowing that there'll never be a way out
Mind as well roll up my sleeves
Get down dirty, down on my knees
No need to worry I'm prepared to fight
The fight is necessary when there's no way out
My struggle is my victory I fight for a win
Fighting can be necessary if you fight till the end
No way out no where to go
Punches are sturdy, they move real slow
Side to side one at a time
The type of fight that's not a crime

Caged

2008-04-16T06:15:00.000-07:00

Even when there are so many things
In my mind, your visual rings
Like an alarm going off in my head
When I'm awake and lay in bed
I can only think of you and me
And how in the future things will be
Wanting so bad for you to hold me each night
Tuck me in safe make sure everything's alright
I know taking things slow each and every day
Will assure a solid foundation and that's okay
It's hard though, the anticipation is killing me
Wanting you so badly is crazy overwhelming
When things become great this will all make sense
A perfect house with a white picket fence
Happiness is what I want so bad
Tired of being hurt and tired of being sad

Afraid

2008-04-10T14:06:00.001-07:00

With a gun to my head I been told to strip
Hide my 3 week baby in a shoe box looking directly at his clip
I gave him his passy hoping that he would sleep right through this
Praying to God that if this dude pulled the trigger he would miss

I'm not ready to go from this world, I just gave birth to my son
But if you need to take a life, take mine, because his has just begun
I pushed my son further up under the bed
Praying to God that this man would not shoot me in my head

I don't know where the drugs are so there's nothing for me to offer in return
For both my life and the life of my son, this is something we don't deserve
But again like I said before let me know what I can do to make this all go away
So here are my clothes, I'm naked and there's nothing for me to say

But please spare my life, And my son is to young to know
I know that you are twisted, but my son, he's 3 weeks old
The man took my clothes and ran from the house as fast as could be
I lifted my son from underneath the bed and held him as tight as I could to me

Trouble Bubble

2008-04-10T13:48:00.000-07:00

My head is congested I can't fucking breath
Right now I need a blunt, please pass me the trees
Or maybe I need a shot to make this all go away
Knowing once I'm sober I'll still have to deal with this today

Getting up off my butt to take care of business
Going to work early another ass to kiss
Try to be nice to baby daddy, maybe soon he'll send some dough
Knowing that really he probably won't, so all this stress is going to grow

I let him get to me just like I do my moms
Lately the only relief I have is rapping to instrumental songs
My son wants this and that and as his Mommy I got to get it
Never admit I'm on my last dollar, because truly I already spent it

But there is always someone there for you, no one will let me struggle
As if life was so sweet, where is my glass bubble?
Look into my walls squint hard and you still will never see
Or ever relate to all these things that keep stressing me

Maybe

2008-04-10T13:35:00.001-07:00

I respect the fact that you feeling me and I do think about us in a lot of ways
But than at the same time I think about all the stuff I been through in all my past days
To be honest and to be real I don't know what our future holds
It would be nice to think that together we can grow

It might not seem like I'm putting forth an effort as much as an effort as you
The only reason is because here in Va I have a lot I"m going through
You don't live here so it's hard for you to relate to the things that I'm referring to
And to be honest I don't really communicate when I know there's nothing you can do

So to answer your question referencing what exactly we can become
I can't answer at this moment because our friendship has just begun
In the past I've rushed a lot of things and I want to be careful and move slow
I do want to get to know you and I want to learn everything there is to know

You're older than me so I know to you this might not be exactly want you want
But its the only direction I choose to head in and this is me being blunt
But by no means am I saying that with you I just want to be your friend
But I would rather for us to build a friendship first before working towards my dreams

Urge

2008-04-10T12:42:00.000-07:00

I know I'm feeling you on a different level because I'm letting you fuck with my head
I don't even understand what I'm doing, because I know what I'm doing and that I can't stand
It would be different if it came with a surprise but this time this is not the case
I realize that you are worthless and for real you lied to my face

So now I'm thinking about all the questions that lately I've had floating in my mind
And maybe I've been too blind which is why god sent me this sign
Dummy wake up smell the coffee this dude is a fake
Don't waste your time with is ass if you do it'll be a big mistake

So now I feel stupid not because of the way I feel
But for the reason that I let you entice me with that sex appeal
And blinded by shallowness I didn't realize the true person you were at hand
And in the end you turned out to be a typical no good man

But I'm not going to sit around and indulge in negativity
I'm going to relax, calm down and seek serenity
Because in the end I know you obviously don't deserve a woman like me
The closest we will ever be will be the relationship we have in your dreams

Loops

2008-04-10T12:41:00.001-07:00

Never thought you would try to get over on me
But now that money is involved we'll see
I put you on a pedestal which was the wrong thing to do
Gave me the opportunity to expect different shit from you

But than again now I'm believing that all dudes are the same
The only thing different about you is your mother fucking name
You tell me your different and in the future you will show me what is true
But that's not necessary I realize you a typical lame ass dude

Give you dough to show you that I don't mind being there for you at all times
And even then I get shitted on, and you constantly tell your lies
I'm still waiting for what you owe me since 4 days ago
If you don't have it that all you had to say fa sho

But instead you decide to front on me like I'm one of your duck ass birds
To think that you'd think to compare me to any of those hoes is truly absurd
Later down the line you'll realize that you really fucked up
I was a down chick that would have stuck by you no matter what

Pride

2008-04-10T12:39:00.000-07:00

You are becoming very important to me very fast
I"m trying to look forward to the future and say goodbye to my past
I can honestly say that you are of no comparison to any one else I've been with before
Which makes me eager and curious as to what the future holds

So now I wonder what it is that has me feeling this type of way
Why the urge to play games has already faded away?
Why in my mind I want you in so many ways that I can't explain?
And why you constantly stay on my mind each and every day?

It's not a too good to be true situation because over and over I don't know what to do
When you make me angry and cause me to have a bad attitude
But than its frustrating that when you look at me all the anger disappears I forget
And for strange reason I start believing that you arrived for me, as if this was heavenly sent

But at the same time I have to put up my wall and remain cool at all times
It's no way I can be with a man that constantly only has his pride on his mind
That pride shit really gets in the way, I guess furthermore I will hold on for the ride
Unable to give to you my entire self instead I'll wait till you try

Urgh!!

2008-03-27T12:25:00.000-07:00

I'm pissed, its easy to see and its true
I'm highly frustrated with your fucking attitude
Don't know what to tell you, but I'm about to make myself perfectly clear
And if you don't straighten up quickly our final chapter will be approaching near

Now I'm feeling you which is why I've tolerated this shit thus far
But you are not my boyfriend, you are not the love of my life, nor my shining star
But you are the only dude I chill with and the one I kick it to day to day
Which is why even though we not together I want everything to be okay

So you see its my fault because I cut everyone off without your say so
As an effort to show myself that with you things would grow
But just when I think things are getting better I realize I have no clue
Things are not getting better because if they were I wouldn't be going through this shit with you

So here I am again hot, pissed and confused
I'm the one writing this poem with my negative attitude
I know I like you because if I didn't I wouldn't be wasting my time
So lets make shit better, work this shit out, so this shit will be just fine

Abused

2008-03-21T08:36:00.001-07:00

I sit up sometimes remembering how shit used to be
We used to chill, stay up late, playing Playstation 3
Sometimes to be honest I'm still dreaming about you
And thinking about all the little shit we used to do

Wondering why such good things have to be all over
And why I didn't kill you when you made my eye swollen
And how I had to hide so that no one would ever know
Plaster a smile on my face praying that it wouldn't show

I'm so tired of working and you made stuff so easy for me
Which is why I tolerated it for so long, but now it seems
That your love wasn't worth it, my insides are bruised
These bruises hurt more than all of your physical abuse

I'm glad I'm strong and I learned so much
I've escaped your crazy ass and your painful touch
It's weird though, and its scary too
How a gentleman turned out to be a monster like you

FANTASY

2008-03-19T13:51:00.001-07:00

So today is the day that I say I do
Have decided to make the commitment that I want to be with you
Forever is a long word so for now is fine
And if overtime things are good and I see that you try

I will choose to be the girl of your dreams
Have you wake up to a woman already on her knees
There to please you in any way you like
All smiles at all times with you no fights

No nagging no bitching you can always have your way
Dinner always cooked don't have to repeat what you say
Kids all clean and already in the bed
Your bath is waiting, I'm ready to massage your head

Just let me know when you are ready, right there I will be
To show you 19 ways why you should keep me
Submissive to my man in every way
As long as you take care of home and I wake up to you every day

Times

2008-03-19T13:39:00.000-07:00

My son wants to talk to his daddy and its pretty sad
I can't wait till he gets older, I'm going to be glad
When he can better understand exactly what's been done
And how his mother loves him the most, I might be the only one

Because in time, even not on time, several have turned their backs
My own sister told me I will be alone when good shit cracks
Because when shit is good and everything is okay
There are always those around that have so much to say

So much encouragement, the reminder of being on my side
But when the darkness comes and all good things aside
Times on my knees and times I cried
Times of loneliness, unwatchful eyes

The doubt of ever feeling good again fades away fast
All hopes of anything except encouragement hits with a crash
The lovingness of my heart and the fight to stay strong
Lives deep inside, even during times of both right and wrong

SHIT

2008-03-19T13:30:00.000-07:00

I don't mean to be a bitch but I'm pretty pissed
Got mad shit going on, and I'm feeling dissed
Men aint shit and girls are dirt
It's more to it than my feelings being hurt

It's hard to understand, because I hardly do myself
But something has to happen before this starts to affect my health
I try hard to promote a mean grit, truly not giving a fuck
But in reality when shit gets tough and I'd truly had enough

I sit back and my mind is blown
Shit gets worst upon declaration of being grown
Is it right for shit to never become okay?
To dwell on the fact that shit is different today

Is shit going to get better, I sit back and pray?
My grandmother always said God will take my troubles away
Well whose fault is it that I'm going through this shit?
It doesn't make since, but I need God to give me strength

NANA

2008-03-07T11:59:00.001-08:00

My pride my joy the love of my life
A loving mother, sister, grandmother and wife
The matriarch of our family she’s always there
To show us her love and how much she cares

There to talk to when things get tough
A listening ear when things are rough
Grateful to God each night I pray
That my grandmother is here to see me day to day

I give her her first great grandson, and now I’m happy
Because she gets to see him grow up smiling and laughing
Infact she is the reason that I am blessed with my bundle and joy
I’m so thankful for this and so much more

You are my hero and I love you a lot
I know you love me too and will be there no matter what
So this Christmas I just wanted you to know
That I’m blessed just to have you, and I wanted to tell you so

RIP Aunt Edith

2008-03-07T11:58:00.001-08:00

The last memory I have of you is you sitting in your chair
Flipping the remote of your tv, my mother cornrowing your hair
Often times you used to baby-sit me and at the time I never knew
What a wonderful person you were and how there’s so much of me in you

You were always a strong woman and I’m happy I’ve had the time to enjoy
I want you to come back so I could have the opportunity to tell you so much more
So determined and your integrity, I could go on and on
And I still couldn’t describe all the qualities that you had in stored

Stubborn at times but most of the time you were right
You like things the way you liked them, and if they weren’t like that you’d fight
Funny how as I get older I’ve thought of you even though you passed away
Often wondering how things would be if you were still here today

Everything happens for a reason
Who knows if we will be here next season?
Live each day to the fullest, and don’t forget
To do what you feel is right, hopefully later you won’t regret

BRANDAN

2008-03-07T11:57:00.001-08:00

You’ve always been my baby and you know you will always be
It doesn’t matter how tall you get, you’ll always be a little cousin to me
At eight years old still I held you on my lap
Taught you how to play Vegas Dreams at 9 and Monopoly too as a matter of fact

But now look at you handsome, and talented in everything you do
Hard to believe that you are almost grown, you even have a mustache now too
One day you told me by the time you make it big I was going to be old and all
What I do know is no matter how old you get I hope you stay in touch and call

Though a large age gap does separate five years between you and me
Soon you’ll agree I’m not too much older, you may not know now, you’ll see
When that time comes do know that I’m hoping we’ll become more acquainted
As time goes by I know I might have outgrown you, but I am glad we are related

You will always be my favorite because we’ve still held a bond real close
There’s no one other than you I like beating in Monopoly the most
I love you Bran with all my heart
And that’s when we are together and even when we are apart

TRAE

2008-03-07T11:55:00.000-08:00

Never experienced true love till I had my son
I’m currently running a race but I know I’ve already won
This little thing keeps me on my toes
He’s the apple of my eye and I think he already knows

When I get sad I look at my baby and I smile
He knows when mommy’s sad but he tells me I’m fine
And I know with a hug from him eventually I’ll be okay
According to my son I can kiss all his pain away

And when he’s sleep I think God for my gift
My son is my everything and to me he’s heavenly sent
This pure love I have will never go away
I only begin to love harder each and every day

When I ask my baby who is his best friend
He says my mommy and I know it’ll be to the end
As he grows before my eyes
I love my son more I know it and I can explain why

BRI BRI

2008-03-07T11:54:00.001-08:00

Hey little sister, that’s what you are to me
I love you so much little mama I see so much of you in me
When things get hard, what did I tell you to do
Pick up the phone and call me, I’m always there for you

Now look lately I’ve been busy getting myself straight and all
But I’m never too busy for you, so if you need me go ahead and call
When I say for any reason please listen to what I have to say
I’ve tried to be a good role model, and I’m going to make sure that you are okay

Now look I know you don’t always like all that I have to say
I’m only trying to lead you in the right direction, I wouldn’t have it any other way
As for these boys out here don’t let them run you, I’ve taught you better than that
Do what I told you to do, and you’ll get what you want as a matter of fact

Now in your future I know that you going to have to aim high
Continue to do good in school, don’t cheat and please baby don’t ever lie
What goes around, comes around, that’s the best advice I have for you
Karma is something else so be careful in anything you do

DYNASTY

2008-03-07T11:40:00.001-08:00

My family stays together through thick and thin
We comfort when we loose, and fight when we win
We care about each other in a special way
And pray for each other every day

Through the years there have been times good and mad
Times when we are happy and times we are sad
Times we have been disappointed when things didn’t go our way
Times that we were embarrassed, and didn’t know what to say

Times when we were encouraged to make a better choice
And times we didn’t listen, but regretted to hear that voice
We look to the future, and wonder what it will bring
Will things stay consistent or will something else change

We aren’t very close, in fact some of us are far way
But in some shape and form we are there each and every day
I know I will always have someone if something was to happen to me
Because fortunately in my life I was blessed with a great family

Through sickness and health we will never part
The love that we share is something never torn apart
At times when we are angry and don’t know what to do
Just think about your family, there’s someone there for you

AMIRA

2008-03-07T11:38:00.000-08:00

Babygirl, my mini me
Remind me so much of how I used to be
I’m so glad over time we’ve gotten so close
In many ways a little sister that I love the most

I know you get mad when you don’t see me a lot
I do be trying boo whether you believe me or not
But look you know how this goes
I’m always here to tell your secrets to even those that no one else knows

And when you have that feeling that no one ever understands
I’m here for you through that too if it’s dealing with family or even a man
And if you are ever in doubt and confused between right and wrong
Realize that I’m here to give you advice and encourage you to be strong

Amira, I love you and it scares me to see you grow
I realize that a lot of things that I’ve gone through, you will go through too I know
Even the tears that I’ve shed at that time I thought they were necessary
I want to hold those from you, and all your troubles I wish I could carry

KNOCK

2008-03-06T13:58:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling like I'm stuck in a corner
Never thought shit would be like this just being older
I feel as if this pain just won't go away
I'm just hoping that it's gone after today
And when its over I won't look back no more
Because a new peace will eventually knock on my door

DOPE BOY

2008-03-05T06:50:00.000-08:00

Okay so you be that thug dude…on your grind
Care most about that quap, that’s what stays on your mind
I grab for attention, you tell me I’m crazy
And that the whole reason I don’t see you is cuz you know I’m busy with my baby
Excuses—for me, you tell me I’m wil’en, I’m wil’n I’m frustrated, I’m through
You I don’t stress over no dude, I mean you cool and all but the same shit still applies to you

m.i.a

2008-03-05T06:47:00.000-08:00

You said you was going to figure me out
Still waiting it’s like you not gone ever be able to tell what I’m really about
Cuz I sware when it seems like you finally get a clue
You be on some completely other shit, and than again I’m just that much confused when it comes to you

It’s like we be talking everything be all good cuz we getting closer as time goes by
But than the attention just stops—and you go on doing you, and than I think why even try
Believe it or not a lot of shit has changed since we first started talking foreal
I mean I was in my little situation and you was doing you still

But overtime finally its over and I sometimes imagine being with you soon
I know you not ready, but I’m also not stupid, I know foreal I’m already your boo
Know how I know cuz of that look in your face when I talk about anotha dude
I know you don’t be trying to hear it, I just like to see that look haha see I’m not trying to be rude

I don’t know what it is that entices me about you, why I grasp the time that we share
I’m feeling you and that’s on some real serious shit, but I know you don’t care
It’s only right cuz like everything that’s gone down I can’t blame you
I mean come on foreal now the nigga was really bangin on my door while you was laying on my bed in my room

But newayz lets talk about how you be carrying shit
Cuz you say what thing but your actions don’t always show it
You told me early on that the whole feelings shit is something you don’t do
But eventually without even telling me verbally I knew what the deal was with you

Come on think about it, do you really think the sex was better cuz I was high
I mean the pussy stay wet, its great not cuz of that but because of our vibe
Yo you feeling me more as time goes by, foreal that’s whats true
But its cool because as time goes by boo I be feeling you more too

Shits not serious and I feel comfortable in your arms Security Intelligence Sense of Humor, I’m taking notes
You remember everything I tell you, You be catching on and at the same time…still be having me on my toes
Now don’t let what I tell you go to your head, but its whats real
And because we cool I want to let you know how much I enjoy your company when we chill

But let me warn you if I get in kinda deep, it might become too late for you to change your mind
Cuz when I grasp that hold on you its no letting go not that you would want to, you not blind
Calling me shorty, I love to hear those words pour from your lips
But I like even more so being touched by your finger tips

And when I tell you that I want to be your Bonnie I’m not on no b-s
I think about being ride or die, but I’m glad you tell me I don’ t need to do that
Stuck in a fantasy, but willing to share many with you
Damn damn damn you know what you aint eva gonna be ready for me to be with you

Cuz being with Princess is like a illness without a cure
But you only will be able to handle it if you have strength and if you are mature
So boo when you get to that point you just gotta let me know for now I’m gonna just have to smile, but I still have hope but for now I gotta let you go

DYCE

2008-03-05T06:43:00.000-08:00

I’m not hurt… okay; maybe a little bit, but I gotta maintain my swagger
A bit confused but to be for real it’s only because I don’t know what happened
I thought we was really feeling each other I mean ish was great
I really liked this dude, shit, felt right-- like it was fate

But than again you know how it be when anything is good it comes to end
This time though it was too fucking fast I mean this shit ain't even for real yet begin
And yo I was really calling this dude like more than once, yes several times
And then when he finally picks up the phone he says hi and than shortly there he go with his goodbyes

Convos that lasted forever now after like 2 to 3 minutes tops he’ll call me right back
Come on yo, you told me enough times Ma I’ma Call you right back
I believed you, Why? I don’t know but I know I’m not going to let you play me
So you know what I do I right you this message thinking does he care? Lets see…

So I go on bp and say what I need to say
Bullshit I know, but I’m thinking he gonna respond to dis ish today.
But he don’t, that little envelope marked read, but I don’t have no reply
Is you for real this dude read what I said, ain't say shit look at this guy

So I call him on some serious like yo we need to talk this shit out
He keeps it short but tells me he gotta fall back starting now
I’m buck but I’m calm and I say well its gravy you do you
Knowing damn well I was enjoying this nicca yo he gone be my boo

But than again was he ever, cuz now he stutten for real
I mean we talk as if we homies thinking this niggas trill
Why the sudden separation, sudden need to take shit slow
Maybe its that chick he was fucking wit maybe he ain't gonna really let her go

Okay shit I knew u was wit her once we started talking
But I thought we had an understanding that after Christmas that bird had to start walking
But its cool if you want her and you want it to work I wish u the best
I mean its on you its your choice if you willing to settle for less

But than again maybe he think we was just moving fast and stuff
I seen him only twice but it was like we couldn’t get enough
I mean we used to be on the phone till like 4 in the morning, without a cell but still hitting me up through out the day
But than all of a sudden it all stopped when you went out wit ya nigga dat day

Dat---nigga damn did you talk to him is that why shit changed
Probaly told you that you shouldn't’t call me from his phone…that’s why for real I don’t have time for playing games
I’m not going even try to figure out exactly why shit ended up how it is
But know that I was actually picturing us in the future in a couple of years.

I mean I know you gotta do you for now, I mean you trying to get big doing your thing
I understand that baby…so if that’s whats stopping you, than shit ain't had to change
But for real the point is I was feeling you and again I’m confused
Cuz foreal foreal on some foreal foreal I was really feeling you

STEP IN MY SHOES

2008-03-05T06:39:00.000-08:00

While you out parlaying, chilling just doing you
I’m here holding’ our child and yea the niCCa looks just like you
Do you really think I’m going to make him suffer because you not around
Yea I know what I said, I would never have another nicca around yo child

Well since you not being a man and not taking care of your own
I got to get another dude to do so since you’re a** still ain't grown
Those days when I used to cry myself to sleep
Be stressed out, be cooped in the crib, just cuz you were mad at me

I loved u, I needed you, yet I got played like a fool
And now I’m the one embarrassed, ashamed, to have a babydaddy like you
Rumors going around, I can’t believe you really claiming another chicks seed
But have the audacity, to do your own son dirty, u neva really gave a fuck about me

Respect, R E S P E CT, we was supposed to have that at all times
But instead I’m called every bitch in the book, and you continue to lie lie lie
I'm sick of dealing with your shit and have refused to tolerate it any more
But I don’t understand why I still be stressing, what do I even care for?

Is it cuz you are his father and it would be nice if you were in his life
Even though I know that you think I just want to be your wife
I’m ova the fact that we not a family and it will never be
Cuz I be damned if I’ll ever give you again the opportunity to be with me

WHO KNOWS

2008-03-04T12:35:00.000-08:00

A male reflection of myself
Laid back, Nonchalant, Could care less
Quiet, Disguised, blend in with the crowd
Unless I speak to him from his lips there is no sound
A little confusing and hard to read
Traveling solo most times without his team
Sometimes i think that he's attracted to me
But its hard to tell what it is that he sees
I can tell that we can chill and parlay all day
But eventually there's so much I want him to say
A brick wall is up and with help I might be able to knock it down
But in the past, it hasn't been worth it, especially if he doesn't stick around
I've been kind of distant trying not to fall in and start feeling this dude
Instead I communicate from afar, and this is what I choose
I want him to know that I want to get to know him in more ways than I can say
And maybe eventually I will verbalize it, if he hasn't figured it out today
He's mad chill, and I love his swagger
Dress is tight, never sagging
We haven't really chilled or really been one on one
He hasn't been to the crib or even met my son
There are reasons for everything we do
But maybe eventually, things will change, after I get to know you

10 Minutes

2008-03-04T11:01:00.000-08:00

Overtime I've come to realize
that things are different even for the same crime
depending on the shade of your skin and whether you have brown or blue eyes
the milky-ness of your skin qualifies the punishment that will apply
while a black man serves 5 years in jail a white man gets probation for his crime
whatever happened to providing evidence as proof
and having eyewitnesses that actually tell the truth
with crime stoppers offering rewards and crooked cops offering deals
it's impossible to distinguish a snitch with someone that is real
and than why the sudden rush to close an open case
why is it so bad for a trial to move at a manageable pace
when a murder case arrives
and a woman dies
its a day in a half to give a black man life
but than it takes 2 years to give three years to a white man that killed his kids and wife

DIFFERENT- 9/13/2007

2008-03-04T10:49:00.000-08:00

It's kinda strange, how shit is, who would have thought we could be so open with each other
The day has come that I'm actually telling you about my nigga, and you telling me about your baby mother
I neva thought it would come to this point, because I've always wanted you to belong to me
But the separation has created a friendship that i appreciate and know that'll always be
I would be lying if I didn't admit that I think often of what we had in the past
Deep down I know you love me that'll never change and I know that it'll forever last.
But be fair to me and don't forget that I'll always have that piece of your heart.
You promised me that it would always be mine while we're together and when apart
As time goes by and I've experimented with all these stupid ass dudes
I always think back about how u schooled me in the ignorance of getting used
It's hard for me to accept the fact that there will be other women in your life
But for real I don't take none of these broads serious, and won't eva till they ya wife
Your wife. Do you think that'll happen? I can't honestly say I do
The day you come at me telling me that shit I will be very surprised of you.
It's like there are so many females and there is no one individual that will truly make you happy forever
To the point where you care enough to share your life and hold bountiful love that you can't even measure.
But know that you will always have my love but more importantly you are my friend
I know I once told you that'll never happen I couldn't be your friend in the end
But what I didn't realize is that this is not the end and for real who knows what the future holds.
There might one day be an us again but it all depends on the choices we chose.
God puts it out there and its up to us to make it happen if we really want to
But I know the timing has got to be right, and we got to decide if this is what we want to do
These men I mess with though hasn't had an impact that can compare to the one from you
Eventually you will see that no chick will eva come close
The satisfaction I would have provided you will never get from most.

ALL ABOUT YOU- 9/20/2007

2008-03-04T10:42:00.000-08:00

So I prayed to God- Lord, I'm getting kinda lonely please let someone enter my heart?
I need a nigga thats real, that can handle me, a nicca I'll love from the start.
The lord always answers your prayers, but I guess the timing just wasn't right
Because I fell in love with this nicca I found, but damn we always fuss and fight.
I prayed to the Lord again- Lord we stay fighten and arguing and its seems as if he's ready to give up?
The Lord responded by telling me you wanted love baby girl, some time sh-ts going to get rough
But give me a sign that I'm supposed to be here, how do I know that he's meant for me.
Soon you will see my child, I won't disappoint you please be patient just wait and see...
So I've waited and he answered my question that maybe you are not my soul mate, maybe there's someone else that you need in your life
But know that these last 2 months I only imagined and lived the dream of possibly one day becoming your wife.
But God made things clearer to me when you never wanted me around your mom, or your children, that little thing was the clue
The most important people in your life you would only want to introduce to those that are very close to you.
But still I loved you and still I wanted to hold on to what may never be.
And you proved that I was wasting my time when over-- a text message you broke up with me.
Why do you say that I complete you? I know you love me but tell me what that means
The woman who can answer that, is the one I will marry, for she is from my dreams....
That question you asked me that day I've been pondering on for a few
But now its of no importance, since I'm no longer officially with you
But do know that I did have an answer, and I'm going to tell you now in these words from my heart
Do know that what I'm saying is true, but I'll let you think about it now that we're apart
You say that its not really over and we will be back when the time is right, It's still all about tee
I might be young but I do know either we are together or we're not and b/c I'm of the past it's no way its truly bout me...
You were the ying to my yang, though not a perfect person I was learning to see
All your imperfections perfectly.
I couldn't fall asleep b/c reality was better than my dream
Knowing you were laying beside me safely is all I ever need
I pay my own bills and take care of my household with out the help of any man
As you schooled me to think to the future, I knew you were going to teach me to stand
You were my man sensitive to understand want I was going through as a woman but strong enough to keep me grounded when I needed to be
At that time you were my rock, you were forever going to stick beside me
The man I wanted to respect and knew was going to respect me in return
I felt that it was okay to be submissive to my fan, for which my body yearned
And even when you were taking care of your business and even when you were messy in your personal affairs
I felt you were worthy of my patience, even though you misunderstood it as nagging in your ears

THROUGH- 10/31/2007

2008-03-04T10:33:00.000-08:00

I come seventh to your mother, your kids, your brothers, your sister, your 4 bm's and your shop
Now you expect me to come 8th, to your hustle, your struggle, your get-money grind gig with your pops
I can express how I feel repeatedly truth is that what I'm saying is not embedded in your head
But than again the issue might be that you are aware of what I'm saying truly not carrying about what I just said
I'm told I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do to keep my man around, and what I won't do another woman would
But I feel I'm holding my own, doing it solo and if he want it that bad maybe she should
So what is it I can do to keep my man happy to keep that smile plastered across his face
Is it to be submissive, I should pretend to be happy, and hold him down at least till his case
And than its the fact that he lied to me, yea I might of did the same once or twice
But we both agreed that we will work through our problems believing that its some stupid ass reason that I aint figured out yet, but its a reason you came in my life
So I've tolerated all this crap, and for real to be honest I'm embarrassed to verbalize all the bs you put me through
But I'm even more embarrassed to stand up here and say loud and clear BX yea ahh I still love you
Not that it matters, anymore..and after fucking with you I've come to the conclusion Love is for the birds.
And because its this intsy wintsy part of me that still got love for you I hope you hear these words.
It's over. Finally over. U happy mofo we done
I'm not picking up my phone, I'm not trying to see u, u got it mofo you've won
I'm tired of the fighting, I'm tired of your attitude and I've had enough of your accusations and shit
I got all of your voicemails and all of your text messages, I especially loved the one from that bitch
It's after the club it's 4am at an after party you know the one on Ironbridge the reggae jump-off that don't close till 6
flipping through my phone trying hard not to call, sipping on my corona not believing me and my nigga going through this
Yo this chick actually had the audacity to pick up my nigga phone and text me some off the wall crap
Going to tell me that he's hers now that she's going to please him for the night, I took a swig off my corona and laughed
Yo u petty little girl do what u do cuz for real I know he's mine, but if you a strong enough woman to handle my man u deserve his selfish trifling cheating ass
It takes a strong woman to put up with the crap that his ass has put me through
Nigga be parked outside my crib, come to my job, just cuz he guilty for fucking you
But this time is different I'm standing my ground I deserve better than you.
Pacman good ridens, kick rocks my nigga, no love lost and of course God bless.
Don't try to get at me later, not when you're horny and not when you realize what's gone you miss.

DISTANCE- 10/31/2007

2008-03-04T10:27:00.000-08:00

You're four states away but I wish you were living right here
I feel this unexplainable vibe even though you're no where near
Looking forward to a visit to have a visual to what I hear almost every day
Can't wait to know who I'm talking to in a physical way

FOREVER- 5/30/2007

2008-03-04T10:14:00.000-08:00

I know how it feels to be in love
but how do I know that this is the person that God sent for me from above
I mean how do I know with he
is whom I'm supposed to be with for all eternity
I always wonder when I will be in love again
I'm getting pretty comfortable living life with out a man
And than I think about how grateful that every guy I've been with really did treat me good
But still I always found something wrong, and in the end I always knew I would
If I could go back in time, are there some things I would change
Yes there are but I always speak the truth even if it is with rage
But I've learned that a lot of the time it's better to keep a lot of things inside
Because the truth can really hurt sometimes
Have you ever really liked someone, but u weren't in love as he
damn that was a bad feeling, yet no one else can see
Often I'm asked why i'm so stupid to get rid of the dudes that I have
but only I could understand that it just wasn't meant to be with the men in my past
Love i think is a wonderful feeling, but they say its not supposed to hurt my heart
I've never experienced unpainful love, b/c my heart always hurt when we part
but than again i wasn't satisfied when I had an easy life
He gave me what ever I wanted but the feelings were just not right
Don't get me wrong I appreciated everything that he did for me
But I need to be with someone on the same wavelength as me
I'm no longer looking for a man to feel a void for the season
I need someone that will last a lifetime and I can explain the reason
I'm grown now and yet I'm just tired of playing games
I have all this shit going for me and still can't find a man
I'm no longer in a search in hopes that one will just fall into my arms and eventually in my heart
One that I can be with forever in love, and love forever, because we will never part

SATISFACTION- 5/30/2007

2008-03-04T10:12:00.000-08:00

I wish I were you.
You are pretty and smart, plus I look up to everything you do.
Are you serious? You can't imagine everything I've been through.
Exactly, but you are smart, and caring and on top of that a good mother just to name a few.
I hear you, but wouldn't you prefer a life that had more to offer.
There's no money in the world, that'll convince to be anything other than wanting to be your child's father.
I admire you in numerous ways, but again I don't expect you to understand.
All I can do is tell you what my heart has to offer in hopes that you'll want me as your man.
I realize you are a good woman, and you should be treated that way
But I realize that God wouldn't give me anything I can't handle today
But why did he choose you rather than someone else
In many ways God just shows us that we're blessed
I know sometimes I wonder Damn God can you throw anything else in my pathway
And he does it proving to me that who am I to question him as if I decide my fate day to day
But you should never dream of withholding the life of some else
There is plenty of things that are hidden that you wouldn't be able to dream about
I myself concentrate on being me
And eventually you will be satisfied with yours believe me

DOUBT- 6/1/2007

2008-03-04T09:48:00.000-08:00

I know you love your son but damn can we somehow agree
Its really about Trae, I have to remind myself its not about you and me
On some real I'm not trying to say anything to you out of spite
I'm just so tired of arguing and fussing, plus I just don't want to fight
I care about him and I know that you do too
But in the long run with all that's going we can't let him get hurt by either me or you
I'm not saying that you are supposed to move so we can live happily ever after in VA
To be honest I just don't want things remaining the same and us doing the same stuff that we do today
That's not what I want and I can dig that you feel the same way
But somehow we got to do something, if you really do love Trae
I made a lot of mistakes and you right I have said a lot of stuff that hurt your feelings in the past
I can only apologize, but I can't erase anything that I've already done, I can't even honestly say that that was the last
It's not fair, I've said that over and over, yet stuff still don't change
But than again you the person that I used to talk to about everything, all I hear now is rage
And than my son is expected to have 2 lives, all I want him to do is feel normal like us
I don't want him to emotionally be hurt, or think all his parents do is fuss
I can't say that I'm going to give give give and expect you to just take
But now that everything has changed I'm honest when I say to you that I feel that everything you say is fake
I'm not trying to point fingers but you really should compare our roles as his parents in his life
Conrad look at his situation, stuck in the middle all because his parents were never husband and wife
In the long run if I could go back in time if you only knew
It's so much that I would change just so that I wouldn't have to go through all of this with you
I need you in his life, but I have to beg for you to make sure things they are supposed to be
Or at least as good as its going to get, because it reality you were supposed to be with me
We were supposed to raise our child together as one
but instead we fight and whomever has possession feels as if they won
Its possible to teach him and groom him from 2 separate places
But its important for us to be able to work things out through all these bumpy phases
Than I also think about how our families have reacted to everything that has gone on between us
They even have mixed feelings towards the other party, how do you think I feel only being able to call your mother this year once
You right that's the decision I made, because you did try to get me back
But at the time I was hurt and confused and if you're honest with yourself you already knew that
And now we not together so Trae is placed in the middle and one day will probably feel like he has to choose
Why should a two year old have a choice to be with me or you
He needs to be in an environment that he can learn to cope with the way his life is going to be
Since evidently all ties have been burnt between you and me
This in itself is about Trae and how we can make things the best for him even separately we are his parents, we are his love
So before you make any decision about him, please pray to God from the heavenly above
Make sure before you make a decision that you put your son first.
If he doesn't have his daddy at all I realize it'll make his life even worst.
And I do know these thoughts and feelings that I have shared with you you will quickly run to show others
But know that I mean what I say and I say what I feel but so would any mother
Sometimes its hard to explain how you feel but sometimes its only pride
But its impossible for things to change to this extreme I mean would you even cared if I died
I know that you have moved on and probably feeling that you finally have things moving in your favor
But know that within these 18 years I know the truth, to me you are no stranger
That's why I keep telling you to really REALLY think about everything you say
I can tell when it's bullshit and you just want to piss me off that day
I'm just hoping eventually you will dig deep and eventually think about everything and make the choice that should have been made a long time ago
I wish it was possible for everyday for you to see your son grow
and Again I know that someone is going to say this is her little ploy to get you remember its about Trae, you see
and they are right but focusing only on Trae is like out of sight out of mind, that way you won't focus on me
Life I know for you is a lot easier, but sometimes that struggle makes it worth it, but I've also learned that to wait can be good to
I won't forever but I am determined to at least get a long with you
You again were at one point my man and at that time you were my friend
After having our son things changed of course for the worse and things did come to the end
We were young and still are but due to different circumstances changed a lot
We should have grew and matured together rather than only fuss and fight
But again back to the most important dude in my life, my son, your son, our son
We got to figure something out, I will pray and pray and continue to pray that eventually this will be done.
Every thing I say its strictly verbalized to you from my heart
and even if you don't say it, I know you agree with out a doubt