Mommy

Though time goes by and it may seem that I do not appreciate everything that you do.
Please realize that this is not the case, most of the time the only person I can depend on is you.
So yes my tattoos may make you wonder, what kind of daughter did you raise?
And yes the 12 years of private school will benefit my future days.

And in the end I have you to thank, for making me who I am today.
While you are disappointed in my actions, all I can do is pray.
That eventually one day you will be able to understand that I can only live to be me.
I have to be independent and experience my life even though you don't agree.

I listen to everything you tell me, though I may not practice everything that you preach.
Doesn't mean stop telling me what I don't want to hear, I need you here to teach.
I know I'm hard headed, I know I'm ungrateful, I know I only think of myself.
I also know how to ignore what you're saying and pretend you're talking to somebody else.

Now that I'm older, even as an adult I'm still sensitive to your view.
But you also taught me to be strong, so the strength I have, I got it from you.
Being unique and independent, is also something else you taught me to be.
So even at times when I piss you off, I know one day you'll be proud of me.

Pray

'I ain't no girl', my little soldier feels that he got to prove himself.
At only three years old my son is already a mess.
I love my baby boy from the bottom of my heart.
As he gets older more often than ever I got to tear his little ass apart.

Thinking he grown, he done stepped to me at least twice.
Being a black woman, of course he paid the price.
Sometimes he forgets how far it is that he can go.
I remind him with the quickness, yes you already know.

At a tender age of three my son surprises me everyday.
My saddest moment is when my son has to go away.
The separation for two weeks is a break but a misery in one.
Because it just doesn't feel normal when I don't have my son.

When I look at him I can only smile, that's my little man.
I will forever be his hero, and together we will stand.
With God in our lives, there will always be a way.
Which is why I teach my son, to pray each and every day.

Settle

This single mom shit, working my ass off every single day.
Has been so exhausting and I need your help in a physical way.
I talk a lot about not needing you, and in fact you can be replaced.
But in reality, this is your son, so indeed this is your space.

I work hard, to do what I can, to provide your son with the best.
What I would do to go back in time, I wouldn't be alone handling this mess.
I'm not saying that I wouldn't have given birth to the most precious gift to me.
What I'm saying is that we would be together, currently I would be on your team.

To think that you've moved on, and now taking care of a family not of your own.
It's hard for me to understand, so I know its even harder for a three year old.
I've made the bed I lay in each and every night.
That's why I don't bitch or complain, you already know that this shit aint right.

And when time goes by, and he gets older, my son will know who loves him the best.
Not to say that you don't love him, but as a child you settled for less.
When you were with me, you were my man that took care of his responsibilities.
Now you let a woman take care of your lazy ass, its only the beginning of your miseries.

Reverse

So you miss me and you are ready to do what it takes to get me back.
You are ready to act right, tired of the below the waist attacks.
You can't live life knowing that I no longer want to be your friend.
And you feel kind of lousy knowing that you are the reason for our end.

So time has gone by though I'm not sure if you have learned your lesson.
In fact I'm not sure if your presence is my curse or my blessing.
I think hard with my brain, scared my heart will lead me in the wrong direction.
Learning to be patient waiting for happiness, not settling for temporary satisfaction.

Although so badly I want to be held again in your arms each and every night.
I have to be strong knowing that pretty soon we'll only fuss and fight.
Everything always seems so good at the beginning but in reality we will never go back to what we used to be.
Which is why I have to continue to run, I can't let the infatuation grab a hold of me.

You are very important to me. And though you don't believe me, my love will always remain.
I think about you constantly, and I only fall back because I'm driving myself insane.
You spoiled me with the possibility and a model of who it is that you can really be.
And when I see that person again, that's when I'll know you are ready for me.

Ahh

No longer needing a roadmap you know exactly where to go
I love it when you move fast, but I don't know if I love it better when you go slow.
Squeezing my thighs I open up my flood gates.
You go deeper in my tunnel when my body shakes.

Caressing your head, devouring your face.
Dipping and diving until you find my special place.
You've arrived to the place we met before.
You got to open wide, I'm about to pour.

I love to feel your tongue all over my body.
With my eyes tight I imagine you inside me.
Take me to heaven, unlock my gates.
I offer to you my vaginal buffet come on and taste.

It's only natural to feel this high.
Keep going no matter how loud I cry.
This pain is pleasure, I'll keep it tight.
If feels so good and it feels so right.

Angry

Even though I know that I should have completely shut you out of my life.
There's a part of me that wants your friendship and for things to be allright.
It hurts inside to know that you are not the person that I grew to love.
But I know there's a reason you're in my life understood by the man above.

I get angry thinking about the perception of you in my fantasy that never came true.
I get even angrier thinking that my everything at one time turned out to be you.
But over time I learn to ignore and take steps farther away.
And when my heart has healed, I'll confront you once again someday.

For now let our bygones be bygones, and let this space between us remain.
There's no need to contact me. You've won. I'm done playing your childish games.
And over time when you think about me, and want to express the love that you still hold.
Keep it to yourself and meditate about who I used to be, and she is who you should have told.

Now that you've used every drip of my patience, and have taken advange of everything I chose to give.
I've moved on with my life, seperated what I want; from what I need, and have begun again to live.
You are an experience that has forced me to recognize the real from the untrue.
I'm no longer angry, because atleast I've become stronger all because of you.

Journey

Sometimes I question why God would let certain things happen to me.
I don't understand I pray every night for the conclusion of my struggle down on my knees.
I'm only one person, I have no help, he watches me day to day.
I've learned my lessons, I've created new goals, Please God deliver me I pray.

When times get tough I remember that you have control over everything that I do.
I also know that until I put all my doubts in your hands I'm not completely trusting you.
For you will not give me anything I can't handle, I truly do believe.
But why do things get tougher, why do I have to struggle even when I know you love me?

I've made mistakes day to day, the mistakes that you have already forgiven me for.
I tell you I'm sorry I apologize for my actions, yet you continue to put me through so much more.
If only I could be rescued, Where in the world is my guardian angel hiding?
I need her beside me, I need her protection. I'm telling the truth, I'm not lying.

I don't think I've done something that is so bad I must suffer for my actions.
All I can do is fall back, hand you all my burdens so that I can relax.
Let you carry them heavy on your back, not trying to figure out why you do what you do.
In the back of mind I'm aware that there is a reason why I'm walking in these shoes.